I'm rather surprised to bring this up, especially in regards to my own family. I thought that my mom had looong gotten over the "my poor babies are leaving my nest!" syndrome. I mean, the moment my sister left for Berkeley was the day my mom stopped inhabiting either of our rooms during the night (as we did homework) and left for the downstairs TV + her Korean dramas. Needless to say, this translated to my having a lot of freedom those last two years. I could do whatever I wanted after I got home because my mom left it to my own discretion. Therefore, I didn't consider the move to college to be that bad (after I got used to not being surrounded with the "I have someone to fall back on" feeling). Even now, when I'm at college, I can easily go a month or so without calling my mom just cause both of us are so busy with our own things. Summary of this paragraph being: I thought my mom was used to not being near me / was fine with my independence.
Tonight was therefore a surprise. My mom's been talking on and off ever since she got back about how much she'd enjoy it if my sister and I lived relatively (physically) close later on in life, that way she can also live nearby and therefore visit us (and presumably our children, her grandchildren) on a constant basis. I think her inspiration is my second aunt (her elder sister) who lives about 4 hours away from her daughter (my cousin) and is happily popping by to see her adorable grandchildren whenever she wants. Okay, I can see the benefits of having grandparents nearby. (Read: Free babysitters.) I figured my mom was talking about after I settled down and was on my way to having children.
Aha. Apparently not. Apparently she was thinking of our proximity (me/my sister/her) starting in, oh.., 2-3 years after I graduate. This time-frame then gives me the time to find a job and settle down in my job/life/location, make the place rather permanent, and then.. get used to the rest of my family moving in? Uh, sorry mom, no. That sounds like a HORRIBLE idea. I miss you all; I love you all, but there is no way in hell I want to live that close to you in my mid-twenties. Even with your best intentions at heart, you will undoubtedly criticize my lifestyle, try to smother me, and all in all limit my freedom in ways I just don't want you to. Being me, I made this indirectly clear to my mother that while her ideal is nice and perhaps acceptable in the far future, it was not going to happen within the next 5 years. Or, to paraphrase what I said to her: [My sister] cannot live any closer than 20 minutes from me; You [mother/father] cannot live any closer than one hour away from me, given moderate traffic. No "I live 4 blocks but if we use NYC's greatest traffic hour, it takes an hour to drive to your place!" mentality. I'm sorry, but I need my space.
Of course my mother then got very sullen about my rejection of her plan. She ended up sulking in front of me as I was desperately trying to not laugh at the absurdity of the idea of her living, oh, say, only 10 minutes away from me. I called one of my friends right away to get some consent for my mom how this was a bad idea; Frostie immediately commented 1 hour might not be enough. But really, if I told my mom she had to be at least 3 hours away? I think she would have hit me!
Anyways, as the title of this post says, step AWAY from your child. Coddling them to death will only cause them to be dependent on you (the parent) and never become, well, themselves. Do what's best for your child, as hard as it is, and step away. Let your children struggle because at the end, they will overcome and flourish.
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